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....and so I call on you.

Jan. 13th, 2016 | 01:35 am

Yes, it's been since 2009 since I've actually been on here. I'm sure most of the posts I've made need to be deleted because they're just not me anymore, or they don't represent the views I have now that I'm all responsible 'n stuff. Regardless, here I am typing at 1 AM, because of a strange event that's brought me here.

My youngest child (of 2) is 9; she's soon to be 10. We were pretty sure it was over for us, as I'm nearing 40 and about to hang up the towel when it comes to making babies. Needless to say, a surprise came about and we're expecting a 3rd. Yes, nearly a decade later, and we're having another.

Right now, our biggest problem is coming up with a name. It's a girl, you see... and that's not the easiest for us to decide on. Hell, a boy name was chosen right after we found out we were expecting. Unfortunately, girls names that are original are hard to come by. So, here I am.

Tonight while browsing the never ending interwebs, my wife and I started talking about GoT, and the complexity of the world Mr. Martin created. Where did he get these names? How did he create SO MANY NAMES?

We've spent countless hours looking at Welsh, Irish, Scottish, and lord knows how many other town lists to find something that snaps with originality. My son's name is Dublin, so you could imagine how I set the bar with my first child. Again, George R.R. Martin's name came up, and his ability to create names.

.....so here I am.

I rolled over and asked my wife.... AT 1 AM... I'm just going to ask George R.R. Martin to help us. I went to facebook, and there weren't any direct messages. Twitter is sorta wonky because it's everyone's business. Then on twitter I saw a site I had completely forgot about: Livejournal. I loved Livejournal... and I'm going to use it again.

I found his majesty's profile, and added him as a friend. Whether or not he'll return the favor is up in the air, but it doesn't matter.

grrm I need your help to name our Daughter. I don't want to post up any of our ideas on here, but I would direct message them to you if needed. We're looking for something that feels Irish, Welsh, or Scottish, which doesn't make you feel as if you're hacking something up while repeating it. It shouldn't rhyme with "Barry" as it's our last name. We're also steering away from names which would remind you of something edible that goes with "Barry"... such as "Huckle" for a simple example.

Sir, we love you and what you've done. You're a creative genius. We just thought this would be fun to do, as an adventure, and have an incredible story to begin a new life with. If you're down, it would be exemplary.

Thanks for your time, and best wishes in all you do.

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Life changes.. ultimately, personalities don't.

Aug. 18th, 2009 | 11:16 pm
mood: crappy

Again, I'm on here posting about shitty things in my life. Livejournal seems to be the only cavern I can escape to, to post shit about me without someone close to me having a drama-attack.

I'm posting this just to vent a bit, because I'm not able to sleep and I'm about to explode. Not to mention, I'm posting it to let people know that things can, in fact, be worse at any given time. Your boyfriend may have broken up with you.. your nail may have broken... you may be in a fight with one of your friends because they said something about you.. but ultimately, it's all put into perspective and nullified as something catastrophic occurs. This is when you realize... shit wasn't that bad... was it?

[enter...life]

As of a month and a half ago, we were trying to buy a house and get things straightened out. Even after vacation, we had a bit saved up for it. I'd been arguing every day about how shitty the house STILL is, and how someone as jobless as my wife can possibly go every day without doing as much as picking up clothes or cleaning the house. Not to mention, a post on facebook isn't missed in 15 minutes. The dog was another factor. Now 85 pounds, Dexter, the German shepherd is a beast. He sheds more than any dog I've ever seen, and if the tiny area-rug in the livingroom isn't vacuumed every day, it turns from black to grey. This isn't including anything else in the house. Nobody seems to care about allergies, and how bad they are even in the summer. We have yet to be stuck inside throughout the winter with a full-blown shedding dog. I honestly haven't gone 10 months without post-nasal drip or a sinus headache when I wake up in the morning.

Needless to say, I was completely tired of it. I was literally days from walking out and living with my parents, and leaving her to live with her dog and mess. Hell, I'd even pay the rent and utilities while she looks for a job for a month more. It's only been 6 months now, and she still hasn't *found* a job. We started cleaning as much as we could for Dublin's birthday party coming up. I had cleaned our bedroom, so we didn't have to step over clothes anymore. (that didn't last long)

Things sucked.. still. I still hated the fact that the dog ruined our brand new hardwood floors with his massive claws. The steps smell like shit and piss because it had been used as a toilet for the dog for nearly a year. Our back porch is now the "trained" shitting spot, which involves me having to talk to Sarah to clean it so I don't step on one of 2 dozen shit piles while attempting to grill out. "I'm going to leave... tomorrow.. I can't stand this. It honestly can't get any worse."

[phone call]

At 11:30 or so on a Tuesday night (I think), we got a call from Sarah's cousin. It isn't out of the ordinary for anyone to call at that time, but from this particular person, it was strange. I yelled for Sarah to pick up the other line, then listened in on my side. Apparently, Sarah's step-mother had shot herself in the head, and they were taking her to the hospital.

I sorta questioned what led up to her breaking point for a while. Was it an argument? Could it have been something that was said to her? Maybe it was a long, drawn out issue that finally blew up in the end. No pun intended. Either way, she did it. She'd tried times before with Methodone, but had called people before. She did the same thing this time, but at the end of a handgun. With her 5 year-old at home and her 15 year-old at the beach, she gave a call to a couple people and carried on with her business. A call was made to her brother-in-law to come and pick up her daughter. (why it wasn't her sister, I don't know) She called Sarah's dad to talk to him about something and tell him she was going to end her life. She would have a note in her hand and would be located in the garden for when he got there. She waited until he was within a minute from home and pulled the trigger.

Sarah's dad is a policeman and DNR officer. He knew she was probably serious considering she had O.D.'d on methodone before, but never anything like this. He found her in a pool of blood and did everything he was trained to do, to try to keep her alive. There was just so much blood. His 5 year-old daughter was still inside, now questioning all of the police and ambulance around the house that he had called in on the radio. He never read the note.

I stayed home to watch the kids while Sarah went with her cousin to the hospital to meet her dad. Sarah was screaming mad because the woman was so selfish to do this while she was at home with her child... not to mention she did it at all. In all reality, most of us wished she actually did the job this time, as shitty as it may seem, just so we didn't have to deal with this over and over again. Again, it is shitty, but you have to look at the other side. If she did happen to live, what would he have to deal with? He was afraid of having to raise 2 kids on his own, let alone a vegetable for the rest of their lives.

My parents stopped by to watch the kids and I showed up at the hospital to find everyone gathered outside. The victim's sister was completely shit-faced and giddy. As much as she tried to show she cared, the strong smell of wild turkey as well as her glazed over Xanax eyes, showed she was not in the shape to even give a rat's ass at that moment. Sarah's dad was a mess, of course. Anyone would be in that situation. I asked Sarah about the details. Basically, she shot herself in the right side of her forehead, ultimately blowing a barn door in the back half of her skull, never penetrating the left side of her brain, except for a tiny bullet fragment, which couldn't be removed. She bled a lot, as one would imagine, and they were able to keep her alive in the emergency room.

He kept questioning what he was going to do. How was he going to raise the children when he was working 2 full-time jobs and another on the side. Without her around, it would be rough.


....keep in mind....
If you ever begin to think that things can't get any worse, you need to re-evaluate your situation.

As the night progressed, neurosurgeons and others of the like, were called in to help her out. I'm not sure if it was because he was a man of the law, or if they do it for everyone. Nonetheless, the were able to save her and keep her alive, though in critical condition.

Their kids stayed with us. So did their dog, a very hyper black lab which is a couple months older than our shepherd, but isn't quite as smart. It was the least we could do. Take them in and help out a bit to show them someone cares, to blindfold a bit of what is going on. That was over a month ago.

She's doing better now. Miraculously, she's walking and talking. She has problems with some different skills, but she's alive. She remembers everything and doesn't have much memory loss at all. How? I have no fucking idea. We're still watching their kids, though not over night. The 5 year old is very hard to handle, and has accomplished feats such as teaching my son how to yell "Hey guys, fuck you!" to our neighbors, and breaking toys and destroying the house as much as possible while training our kids how to be morbid by pretending barbies die from overdosing on pills.. when it's not that, they're acting like they're puffin' "smokes" behind the sofa. Great, I know. But, it gets better.

The 15 year old has completely different issues. She's a boy-crazy, facebook-attached bi-racial girl who hands out with some kids that may or may not be in the wrong crowd. One of the first nights staying here, she decided to go with one of her friends on a walk and disappeared. I had to drive around town to find them and go to the hospital to have sarah call her. It just so happens, she was behind our house in a field with some boys, drinking. Days later, I see someone creeping around my house and looking in windows, so I grab the S&W .40 cal from the case and go looking for somoene about ot break into my house. The girls didn't invite anyone, so I figured it was the real thing. I wasn't really worried, because if the dog didn't eat them alive, they were going to have their brains blown across the room like a nice Ralph Steadman painting.

Come to find out, the boys decided they were just going to drop by, uninvited. A call was made to them, as well as formal plans for them to come over, but it was just the start of more of a mess that I wasn't prepared for until Talia turned 15.

Down the line, things got worse around the house. More messes, more dog shit everywhere because the stupid fucking dog wasn't trained and has nuts the size of gibralter that prompts him to hump everything in site and spray everything that remotely smells like another dog's piss. That, my friend, includes every mess that sarah's german shepherd has soiled since he was a pup. Even if there isn't too much of a scent, he'll drop a load or gallon of piss in the middle of the hardwood floor for no reason whatsoever. He's cool like that.

Sarah's dad was suspended, because the weapon that was used, was actually his DNR pistol and it's standard procedure when something like this happens. They also suspended him from the police force indefinitely. Throughout all this time, nobody has a job but me. Though they're staying more at their own home now, during the day is enough to rip the house to shreds, and Sarah really didn't keep up with it much to begin with.

It really couldn't get too much worse, could it?

I pulled something in my shoulder.. my knee went out.. had to go to the docs and I was basically living off of pain meds. I forced myself to get off of them because I can't stand to be dependent on things like that. I didn't get any sleep because the 15 year old doesn't go to sleep until 5am and is up making the dog bark continuously, as if he didn't get up enough. The kids won't go to sleep unless everyone in the house is asleep, so that poses a problem. We pay $200 a week in daycare for my son who has shown up 3 times in the past 3-4 weeks, because he doesn't get up until 12. If you wake him up earlier, you're in for a treat that will keep on giving throughout the night. Regardless, it sucks.

I've been taking my pain medicine as I need it. My father-in-law went to the doc as well to get meds, and took them all within 4 days. He asked me for some and I gave him a few to basically hold him off for a while. I hid them all after that, due to an incident at the beach where all but 3 in my bottle had come up missing after he found out where they were. Nice, I know, but I learned my lesson and hid them.

I got tired of shit around the house with the craziness and messes, because it was just too bad. It honestly couldn't get any worse. I was sure of it. I left the house with Dublin and went to stay with my parents because this isn't the environment he needs to be in. Nobody has offered to give us any money to pay for the kids living here, or us driving them anywhere.. utilities... anything. It's all just a given that I make enough money that they shouldn't have to do anything or ask anything. I was working from home for part of the day and that made things a bit better. I could make sure that my kids weren't doing heroin in the bathroom with the other 5 year old, or slitting their wrists while playing with barbies.

I hit my plateau of shittiness.

"You, Mr. Barry, are a fucking idiot. Don't doubt the all-mighty Karma-machine!"

This Monday rolls around and I go to get my medicine which was awkwardly placed in the cabinet with the rest of the meds. Not the ideal place, but sarah moved them from my back-pack I took with me to my parents and put them in the cabinet. So be it... Her dad had enough pain meds and I wasn't concerned. I opened them up to find there were about 10 left... out of nearly 70.

OOOH.. things can get worse. But.. FUCK IT! What could go wrong!?

I get to work and find out that I've been negative hours of comprehensive leave and I can't take anymore time off unless it's without pay! FUCK IT! What else can go wrong?

"Well... people are noticing that you're working from home quite often and, you're going to need to work here all day."

Fucking Sweet.

Needless to say, I'm leaving tomorrow. I have to separate myself from this. My Zen was to drive a new WRX today, roll the windows down and listen to the whine of the transmission as I blasted through gears and traffic.. sticker still attached to the window, but I didn't care. I wasn't at home and this is what I wanted. I needed to be away and I needed to feel what I always wanted, by myself. I would have rather had my son by my side, but, I wasn't going to push it.

I've spent all my money trying to help out another family and feed everyone else. I had to switch phone companies and spend a bunch on new phones and plans. I splurged for a deal on a telescope for $200 that I'm going to sell on e-bay for twice as much as what I paid for it... though I shouldn't need to make more money that way.

Dreams of buying a new house have gone away. I don't want to live here. Not with the floor destroyed and pissy carpets. Not with that dog.

My dreams of getting the car have gone away. It's all dependent on Sarah getting a job or going to school and getting paid unemployment in the process. That, in itself, is impossible. She's never completed anything in her life, and I'm not going to try to motivate her any more than I have, because it's a waste of breath. Her unemployment runs out at the end of September and we're still supporting 2 families. I have a surgery to get done again on my knee because it went out, and I won't be able to pay for it now. But, I have the opportunity to have a roof over my head and people on my side of the family support me regardless. There's still light out there. I just have to search for it.

My Zen is the thought of owning a car that I like. My ultimate Zen is having fun with my kids, and only MY kids, while exploring the outdoors and watching movies. I haven't got too much longer before they're no longer surprised about little things, and I need to take advantage of it, regardless of external circumstances.

Anyway.... tomorrow I move out. At least one of the kids will come with me, and they'll be excited to stay with their grandparents with me. Sarah and I will have some issues with what's about to happen, but it's only temporary. It's just not good for any of us with all the tension and mess around. All-in-all, it shouldn't be too bad.

So, for anyone having issues of anyone dying or leaving you, things happen for a reason. They're usually not self-inflicted or dropped on purpose, but shit happens. You may have wrecked your car without insurance while driving drunk on a suspended license, and the cops found a bag of weed on you... but, at least you didn't run over a 2 year old in the process. And if you did, it could still be worse, at least it wasn't your own.

This helps. This is why LJ is here. All of this being transmitted via casual conversation turns into inane babbling that ultimately ends up in "whoa, look what time it is...", but here... I don't give a fuck if anyone listens. It's my therapy. If you do read the whole book, thanks. I hope someone gets some insight from it during a hard time.. and I wish that nobody ever has to go through shit like this, ever. But, we all know we will.

Murphy's law...Never forget.

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listening to "Clutch - "Electric Worry" DRT Entertainment" on Blip

Aug. 3rd, 2009 | 07:17 pm
music: "Electric Worry" DRT En

Bang.

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listening to "Viking Skull - Doom, Gloom, Heartache & Whiskey" on Blip

Aug. 3rd, 2009 | 07:11 pm
music: ull - Doom, Gloom, Heartache &a

Rock. \m/,

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listening to "The Sun Is Shining (ATB Remix) - Bob Marley & Funkstar DeLuxe" on Blip

Jul. 21st, 2009 | 11:34 am
music: s Shining (ATB Remix) - Bob Marley & Funk

Ahh yeah.

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listening to "What Is Love? - Howard Jones" on Blip

Jul. 20th, 2009 | 06:45 pm
music: ove? - H

and another Mr. Jones played at the Cisco Live customer appreciation event.

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listening to "Everlasting Love - Howard Jones" on Blip

Jul. 20th, 2009 | 06:43 pm
music: ng Love - H

Yet another.. Howard is the F'n man.

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listening to "Things Can Only Get Better - Howard Jones" on Blip

Jul. 20th, 2009 | 06:42 pm
music: n Only Get Better - H

Saw him in San Fran @ Cisco live...still simply incredible.

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listening to "Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House" on Blip

Jul. 20th, 2009 | 06:40 pm
music: am It's Over - Cr

Ahh yeah.:)

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listening to "Are You Ready (Hive & Gridlock Rmx) - Calyx" on Blip

Jul. 15th, 2009 | 08:07 am
music: eady (Hive & Gridlock R

Blaow.

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